Dear Vodka

Dear Vodka,

You were there for me when I thought I needed you; whether I was happy or sad.  You helped me celebrate good times and you helped me to numb the bad ones.  It was with you that I was able to come out of my shell and talk to people; to feel like I fit in.  I thought through my relationship with you I had figured out how to manage life and everything that came my direction.  I couldn't have been more wrong.

You see, I sit here today; almost in disbelief as to the person I was when I was with you and where our relationship has left me.  I lied.  I let people down.   I embarrassed myself and others.  I hurt my family and my friends.  In a state where the average person, by definition, would be in a stupor, unaware of their surroundings, with the possibility of unconsciousness; I got behind the wheel of my car and drove.  I traveled at a speed I cannot even fathom.  I rear ended a van and affected the lives of innocent people.

You left me broken.  I lost my job and I loved my job.  I lost my license.  I lost my car.  I lost time with the people I love, time I will never get back.  My life has gone from spending time in bars to facing time behind them.  As if that isn't enough, looking into the watery eyes of my hurting little boy, knowing that I am leaving him soon, is almost more than I can handle.  The tears flow out of me daily; sometimes hourly.  Tears of fear, sadness, pain, confusion and remorse. 

I hate that I put you number one.  I hate the behavior I displayed when I was with you and I hate what I have done to those that love me.  You can go and take from someone else now because I have nothing left to give you.